In January 2008 my life changed. What started as a two-week trip to Costa Rica turned into a cancelled plane ticket and a job bartending on a Caribbean island. For the first time in my life, I knew how it feels to be free.
A month later, I experienced a sort of spontaneous mystical awakening. It was as if something was beckoning me into life from beyond the veils of this physical reality. It was something that felt more real than anything I had ever experienced, and yet it completely lacked context or reflection in this mundane “reality.” It hinted of magic, and the power of creation that we carry inside of ourselves. It hinted of a loving consciousness pervading everything, like a magnetic field pulling us onward.
While I understood very little of what was happening, I knew that this was a thread I had to follow.
A few months later I embarked on a sort of quest, following mystical breadcrumbs of wisdom all over the world, finding small tastes and new clues as I was initiated into the practices of Tantra, Yoga, Meditation, Mysticism, Sacred Sound, and Energy Healing. I dove into spiritual practice, and found incredible richness there. But despite a growing connection to Spirit, these practices only served as a bandaid for the deeper wounds that followed me like a dark shadow.
I was studying at a yoga school in Thailand in May 2010 when another experience of spontaneous mystical consciousness hit. There were hints of it for a few weeks, and then I did my first retreat with the man who would become my meditation teacher, and something within me blasted open. The next three weeks were colored with the presence of the mystical. And then, on June 1, 2010 I met the teacher that I had been looking for all along: Ayahuasca.
I won’t cheapen with words what I experienced during that week-long Ayahuasca retreat, but I ended it with a shaved head and a clear decision that I would move to Peru to continue working with this magical healing plant.
In the fall of 2010 I arrived in Peru and began a 7 year journey into the powerful teachings and deep healing processes of Ayahuasca. It was an intensely deconstructing journey which excavated an immense amount of pain and trauma from within my being. But instead of simply removing these patterns and energetic residues, it somehow magnified them. This gave me a frustrating and painful, but incredibly fruitful opportunity to learn how to engage, navigate, and begin to integrate what had once been suppressed, and now was being revealed by this powerful plant medicine.
What I discovered was that my nervous system was in an almost constant state of stress and panic, and had been for most of my life. I had internalized the abusive voices of my childhood environment, and had been almost constantly attacking myself as I walked through life. And the truth is, most of us do this in some way, as we unconsciously abandon and abuse ourselves. There was a huge part of me that I had no idea how embrace. I was fragmented, and it was literally making me sick. Life was calling for a homecoming of the highest order, an initiation into the practices of Radical Self-Love that I now share.
Throughout my journey, it has become clear that it is one thing to have profound realizations, and yet another to integrate these into our daily experience of life. I have found that the more connected we become with the magical reality which underlies this world, the more we come face to face with the suppressed pain and unproductive programming that we carry within our human form. This meeting offers us an incredibly fertile ground for transformation, but asks of us a deep commitment, lots of practice, and meaningful support. This is a journey that I have been both undergoing and supporting for almost a decade now.
It is with this in mind that I offer Ayahuasca integration & spiritual integration support.
ReviewsWrite a review - tell others about your experience.
Jenalle Dion July 11, 2018
After participating in 4 ayahuasca ceremonies in Costa Rica, I was left with a few daunting questions. What even happened during my ceremony? Why don't a feel different? Did I even get any healing done? I was confused on the next steps and how I was supposed to 'deal' with all of the emotions that came up. Working with Marni was super helpful. I was able to go deep into detail and express all of my emotions fully -- doing this already felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. We did a few meditation practices to help me really get in touch with the sensations my body was feeling. Marni helped me realize what the medicine was teaching me. I could tap into my senses and really understand where this sense of fear/sadness/hurt was coming from. She gave me resources to read into and it was really reassuring when she would open up about her life and past problems as well. I would recommend Marni to anyone who is left confused or unsure after experiencing the powerful impacts of plant medicine <3.