I honestly don't know how to put this experience into words, but I'll try!
I came into this journey carrying a lifetime of trauma, grief, and survival mode. I had intentions, but tried to release my expectations and remain open to whatever the medicine had to offer. My experience wasn't necessarily what I imagined. There was a tremendous amount of physical and emotional struggle, and so much of my journey revolved around learning to surrender rather than continuing to fight my way through everything. One of the most profound things the maestros shared with me was that healing isn't about breaking something apart, but rather a gentle untying. Those words are still unfolding for me.
As for Soltara itself, I truly cannot imagine a more beautiful place or group of people to have experienced this with. This was my first international trip, and having nearly every detail thoughtfully arranged was an incredible gift. From the airport hotel pickup and transportation to the beautiful accommodations, fresh and delicious meals, medical screening, and carefully planned ceremony schedule, I felt genuinely cared for throughout the entire experience.
But the people are what made Soltara extraordinary.
Our facilitators, Paula, Christina, Julieta, Freda, and Tatiana, were nothing short of angels. I jokingly think of them as Valkyrie angels! Their compassion, strength, patience, and quiet encouragement were beyond anything I could have anticipated. During some of my most difficult moments, they were simply there. Never trying to take over my journey or fix it for me, but offering reassurance, comfort, and the beautiful sense that I was safe and capable of finding my way through. Even the smallest gestures, like a hand gently guiding me back to my mat in the darkness, carried more love than I can explain.
And of course, the maestros themselves! We were incredibly blessed to have three Shipibo healers, including one in training, sharing their beautiful traditions with us. Although we didn't speak the same language, our wonderful facilitators helped bridge that gap, and the compassion, tenderness, and love with which the maestros held space for us transcended any language barrier. Their sacred Icaros, sung throughout the ceremonies, were something truly extraordinary to experience. From their wisdom during our sharing circles to the beautiful flower baths with Anita, and even sharing dinner together on our final evening, their presence was such a profound gift. I will forever be grateful for the love and healing they shared with us.
The kitchen staff, housekeeping, maintenance, and everyone behind the scenes contributed to that same atmosphere of genuine care. The four ceremonies were thoughtfully spaced with rest days, and the sharing circles gave us opportunities to reflect, process, and connect.
I also want to emphasize that this work is not for everyone, and preparation, honesty, and personal responsibility are incredibly important. Our group witnessed a difficult situation involving another participant, and while I won't share someone else's personal experience, I can say that what I personally witnessed from the staff was compassion, patience, and a genuine effort to protect the well-being of everyone involved. Experiences and perspectives can differ, which is why I encourage anyone considering this journey to research carefully and make an informed decision for themselves.
One of the most unexpectedly healing parts of the retreat was the community itself. Seventeen strangers came together, and we created a space where people could share some of their deepest pain, fears, and vulnerabilities without judgment or shame. The kindness, acceptance, and genuine love I felt from those people was something I will carry with me forever.
I'm writing this about ten days after returning home, and I'm still processing everything. Healing hasn't suddenly become effortless, and I certainly haven't figured it all out! But I'm noticing something different within myself. A quietness. A sense of peace in situations that once would have overwhelmed me. Moments of understanding that continue to unfold long after the ceremonies have ended.
I arrived hoping to release some of the weight I'd carried for so long. I left realizing that perhaps healing doesn't always mean fighting harder or becoming stronger. Sometimes it means finally learning that it's safe to soften, surrender, and simply be.
To everyone at Soltara, and to the beautiful souls who shared this journey with me, thank you. There truly aren't words big enough for the love and gratitude I carry for you. ❤️