This commentary written 3 months following my retreat at Confluence.
Complete life changing experience. The 5-day retreat, excellently choregraphed, from start to finish. All needs were known by Myles and staff and were addressed even before the need arose. Retreat house was amazing, set in the hillside, secluded, private and inner reflective. On-site chef and all food served was 5 stars.
I didn’t go into this experience lightly and spent many months speaking with different therapy centers in Oregon. I traveled cross country from my home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for this retreat. I’m a medical professional who for years read the potential Psilocybin had regarding treatment of mental illness of all levels. I saw this as an investment, both financially/spiritually. As a mature adult, although satisfied with my life, I felt it time to fine tune some issues. Traditional therapies were minimally effective for me.
I investigated many retreat options and decided on Confluence because I felt the 5-day retreat setting, guidance sessions and the 2 trip journeys were paramount to experiencing maximum benefits from the plant medicine. Others offered 1 journey, shorter lengths of stays and lacked the community experience. In my opinion, 2 journeys, separated by one day of guidance/refection/preparation is paramount. The first journey, lower dose, allowed me to experience what it was like to be in a trip, it removed any questions I had within myself as to what it was going to be like. The break day allowed you to focus on your intentions and prepare for the therapeutic journey dose. The therapeutic journey dose was something that I initially had trouble describing, however as time has gone on, I’m more fully able to assimilate that happened.
Once drinking the ceremonial psilocybin tea, the journey slowly started within 15 minutes as fully described by Myles and the other leads. I slowly became very relaxed and my brain slowly became quieted, in essence, it stopped talking to me. As I went deeper into the trip, I started peeling back the layers of my consciousness, going deeper and deeper into my brain. Nothing scary about this and very very relaxing. The lower dose 1st journey brought you into the depths of your brain, however not as deep as the therapeutic dose journey. My journeys lasted about 4 hours, with a very smooth return to normal state. That being said, I still felt in my journey for days, especially when I mediated, listened to the journey playlist. I was able to bring myself to the wonderful place again. I was able to have a very deep and meaningful conversation at the end of this first journey. The conversation brought a lot of honesty and reflections and I was able to discuss my intentions.
The second therapeutic dose journey was the most beautiful experience I ever had. The dose for this second trip was tailored off my first trip experience and was head on. The therapeutic dose brought me to the core of my brain. I realize now that during this therapeutic dose, your brain stops talking to YOU and YOU start talking to your brain. Literally, I was peeling back layer after layer of my consciousness until I was at the very core of my being. At the core, was a blank canvas. I then re-drew what I wanted my life/existence to be. The re-drew my life story, taking out the negative/destructive aspects. I painted my inner conscious the way I wanted it to be…free of regret, anger, embarrassment. As well as a life less influenced with alcohol. I realize the importance of setting intentions that you want to work on prior to going into your plant medicine journey. During this deep state of being in the therapeutic journey, I brought to mind my intentions and re-drew my “new canvas” with new perception free of all things I felt were destructive in my thoughts. Under the therapeutic dose, you are in full control to draw your life that was you want it to be. It is this aspect of therapeutic doses that I feel can reshape individuals suffering from severe PTSD. You are able to “take out” that which you don’t want present in your thoughts.
Following my journeys and re-integration into my normal life, I realize that there has been a lasting effect from my plant journeys. The lasting effect is that I’m more in control of my negative thoughts. Prior, when a negative thought surfaced, I lamented on it, focused on it and it became all I was occupied with. Even when I should have been occupied on the present, ie. working, driving or cycling. Now, when a negative thought enters my thoughts, I am able to identify it as a negative thought that will be destructive. I am able to acknowledge it, say it’s a none productive negative thought and then put it aside. I am able to re-focus back to my being, and I’m able to stay in the present and not be re-directed to a cascade/downward spiral of destructive thoughts. Basically, post therapy with plant medicine, I am more in control of what my brain is saying to me and I have to ability to put negative thoughts aside and move on.
My analysis on how psilocybin therapy caused a lasting effect in my life took time to realize. Even at first, I wasn’t sure that it worked, but as the time went along and I assimilated back into my life, it became clear. I am more in control of my brain thoughts and feel I make decisions now based on clearer thought patterns, thought patterns that are not polluted with meaningless, destructive or negative thoughts.
Myles has my permission to share my contact information should you want to speak regarding my experience. I feel very passionate regarding the benefits of plant medicines and look forward to a future where they will be available to all.
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