This was my 10th ceremony and one of the most extreme ones I’ve ever had. The facilitators were much more hands off during the ceremony than what I’ve seen when someone is going through a rough patch, which was fine at the time because I had enough tools to get through it though I spent most of the ceremony crying and puking. I was very weak as the ceremony ended and knew I needed food and inquired about it multiple times.
They said it would be out soon and, because I had such a hard ceremony, offered to put me in a yurt away from everyone, a somewhat long walk away in the forest. Once there, I waiting for hours to receive food before I realized they weren’t coming back with any. I was incredibly strung out and walked down to see everyone was sleeping. I didn’t know where the leaders were sleeping or how to ask for help, so packed up my things and called my husband as I drove home at 4:00am and didn’t get any food in my belly til 5:00am. By then my system was officially shot and set up my next next days to be incredibly traumatic.
The days (weeks) after were some of the worse of my life. I couldn’t sleep the first nights, nor could I stop puking and had diarrhea straight for three weeks (sometimes sitting on the toilet for up to 40 times in a day). I kept getting waves that would send me into very extreme headspace’s and it was a battle to get through. I had to rely on friends, therapists, mentors, crisis lines and lots of dedicated ceremony to move through it all.
I asked to be connected with the leaders multiple times through that time period and while my intake contact at least called me back a couple of times and was as helpful as she could be, I only heard from those at the retreat for the first time via text 5 days after the ceremony, and they were unable to secure a time to talk with me. I asked if we could put a time on the calendar so I knew when to expect them and they never replied.
I reached out a couple weeks later as another wave hit and I couldn’t stop gagging and was told Hayra would try to get ahold of me, but I never received a phone call or text.
I’m finally through the worst of it now, although navigating long term physiological and psychological effects from the ceremony as I continue to put myself back together.
I think this group has a really beautiful message, but as a participant received some very negligent care and support that I think others should be weary of. This medicine can really disrupt your life and needs to be managed with more attentive care by those serving it.
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